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<title>Is It Charming...That I Find You Quite Alarming? by spilladrop4orpheus</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366639">Is It Charming...That I Find You Quite Alarming?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spilladrop4orpheus/pseuds/spilladrop4orpheus'>spilladrop4orpheus</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hadestown - Mitchell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempted Kidnapping, F/M, mention of actual kidnapping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:19:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,878</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25366639</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spilladrop4orpheus/pseuds/spilladrop4orpheus</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Some intruders get a glimpse of why Persephone is called The Dread Queen. Based on the myth where Pirithous and Theseus travel to the Underworld to abduct Persephone so Pirithous can marry her. Needless to say, it doesn't go over too well with Persephone and Hades.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hades/Persephone (Hadestown)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>111</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Is It Charming...That I Find You Quite Alarming?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeah, another song lyric for a fic title. What am I supposed to do? Come up with a title myself? </p>
<p>It's from Hey Lover by Mini Mansions, which is absolutely a Hades/Persephone song.</p>
<p>Alternative title from the same song "Hey Fucker...There Could Be No Any Other."</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Persephone!”</p>
<p>The goddess had been tending to a group of asphodel that had bloomed near some of the caves of the Underworld when the unexpected greeting and the use of her name startled her. No shade or resident of the Underworld, except for Hades, of course, had ever used just her name. Instead, it had always been one of her many titles that she heard in her time below.</p>
<p>When she turned around, she was further surprised to see not one but two men, who did not appear to be shades coming towards her with weapons drawn.</p>
<p>“Y’all are trespassing,” she shouted to the men as they drew closer.</p>
<p>“My name is Pirithous and I’ve come to rescue you!”</p>
<p>Still reeling from the surprise of their appearance, she gave the bold intruder and his companion a questioningly look. “You’ve what now?”</p>
<p>“I’m here to take you far away from here. My gods, you are more beautiful than I could have imagined! You’ll make a fine wife for me!”</p>
<p>For a moment she wondered if she had somehow managed to hit her head or if her last batch of moonshine had gone bad, causing her to hallucinate. She soon realized they were very real and she had to admit she was a little curious as to what kind of fool would travel to Underworld to steal the King of the Dead’s wife right out from under his nose. That was the only thing stopping her from punching the man right where he stood for his comments along with his companion for good measure. Her day had been uneventful so far so seeing just how bold and dumb these two men were would be an entertaining break from her gardening.</p>
<p>“Uh…flattered,” she replied in her most sarcastic tone. “And also already married.” She added, holding up her ring finger. The bright diamond that Hades had added to the simple band gave off a lustrous shine. “Now if you two know what’s good for you, you’ll go on out the way you came. Mind the dog though. He doesn’t take kindly to people leaving.”</p>
<p>“I’m not leaving without you,” the man insisted.</p>
<p>She squinted at the pair. There was definitely some divinity somewhere in their bloodlines. “Are you two stupid or something? Do you know who my husband is?”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to be afraid of him anymore.”</p>
<p>Persephone’s laughter echoed off of the rocks around them. “Afraid? Of Hades?”</p>
<p>A deep, booming voice startled both men and put a smile on Persephone’s face.</p>
<p>“It’s not me you should be afraid of.” Hades appeared from the shadows causing Pirithous and Theseus to take a step back. “It’s her really. Of the two of us, I think she’s far more frightening.”</p>
<p>“Oh, you’re just saying that,” Persephone responded.</p>
<p>“They don’t call you The Dread Queen for nothing.”</p>
<p>“Aw, they really call me that?”</p>
<p>“They do. Some are scared to even look at you. Though most risk it because you’re so beautiful.”</p>
<p>Persephone smiled at her husband’s compliment. Hades was many things, but most of all he was a charmer. The godly couple could not tear their eyes away from each other. Their lovers gaze was interrupted by the clearing of a throat.</p>
<p>Hades turned towards the two men, the lovestruck smile falling from his face. “I almost forgot we had trespassers.”</p>
<p>Finding his courage again, Pirithous stepped forward towards Hades and addressed him. “Mighty Hades, King of the Dead, I have traveled to the depths of the Underworld to claim the hand of the lovely Persephone.”</p>
<p>Hades stood frozen for a few moments, only able to blink at the man as he had no idea how to respond to such a request. There weren’t many things that stunned the God of the Underworld, but this man’s audacity threw him.</p>
<p>“You came here to…marry my wife?”</p>
<p>He and Persephone shared a look between them, words being unnecessary to know what they both were thinking. <em>Is this guy for real?</em></p>
<p>Hades wondered for a moment if this was one of Persephone’s idiot half-brothers or cousins, of which she had many. “You’re either very brave or very stupid thinking you could just travel down here and marry the Queen of the Underworld.”</p>
<p>“You abducted her and are holding her against her will. I will not stand for that.”</p>
<p>And there was that made up story coming back to haunt them again. He knew everyone saw him as the villain of their tale, despite Persephone’s insistence to the contrary. Hades let out a sigh.</p>
<p>“So you came to abduct her and take her for yourself?”</p>
<p>“No. Well, yes, but—”</p>
<p>“Perhaps we should ask the lady what she wants.” Hades turned his attention towards Persephone. “Lover, which abductor would you have? Would you choose this new suitor or stay with your old husband?”</p>
<p>Pirithous stood taller and stuck out his chest, confident in his chances.</p>
<p>“Hmm…” Persephone pretended to consider the two of them. She gave Pirithous a scrutinizing glance, then made it a point to look Hades up and down before standing beside him. “I think I'll stick with this one.” She put her arm through his and placed a kiss on his shoulder.</p>
<p>It amused them both to watch the man’s face fall at Persephone’s “choice.”</p>
<p>“No. I won’t stand for this.”</p>
<p>Hades ignored the attempted abductor’s protests and decided to turn his attention to the quiet accomplice. “You.” He pointed at Theseus. “Why are you here? There aren’t many in the Underworld whose hand you could steal…unless you’ve come for Thanatos, in which case, I'd be happy to personally arrange an introduction for the both of you.”</p>
<p>Persephone smirked at her husband’s thinly veiled threat to send them to the God of Death himself.</p>
<p>“I am Theseus and I’m here to assist my friend as he assisted me. I’ve already taken Helen, another daughter of Zeus, to become my wife.”</p>
<p>“Helen? She’s still just a child, isn’t she?” Hades asked. “Or am I thinking of one of his other little whelps? There’s so many it’s hard to keep track these days.”</p>
<p>“She’s just barely 13 I think,” Persephone answered, crossing her arms and glaring at the two men.</p>
<p>“You kidnapped a 13-year-old girl to make your wife?” Hades could not hide the disgust in his voice. He looked at Persephone. “And I’m said to be the bad guy.” He turned his attention back to the two men. “Is the only value to you their lineage? You think you are entitled to the daughters of Zeus? You took a child and thought you could take a queen!”</p>
<p>Persephone placed a hand on her husband’s arm to calm him. She knew he was close to throwing the two of them into the deepest, darkest part of the Underworld. She had a different idea though. “Now, lover. Surely there is a better way to treat guests such as these.” Persephone leaned into Hades and whispered in his ear.</p>
<p>A look of surprise came over his face. His eyes lit up and a smile formed as she spoke before he nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“Of course. You're absolutely right. They are guests after all. Where are my manners? It is quite an accomplishment to travel this far into the Underworld. We must acknowledge this feat.”</p>
<p>Hades waved his hand and chairs formed from the rocks near the cave.</p>
<p>“Please sit and we can discuss what you’ve got coming to you.”</p>
<p>It had been a long journey through the Underworld so Pirithous and Theseus welcomed the chance to rest. As soon as they were seated, vines sprung from the ground ensnaring the two men. They struggled but the vines petrified on contact trapping them.</p>
<p>“I was just going to throw you to the dog, but my lovely wife here thought there might be a better punishment for you. It’s only fair that she should decide since she was the one you were trying to kidnap after all. What fate awaits them, lover?”</p>
<p>“Let them stay stuck to the rocks forever. The Furies can have their fun with them. Keep them away from the other daughters of Zeus.”</p>
<p>“There are so many. We would be doing a large portion of the population a favor. Let that serve as a warning to anyone else with grand ideas about the Queen of the Underworld.”</p>
<p>Persephone focused her gaze on the two men with a look that had earned her the nickname of The Dread Queen. “No one comes between me and my husband. Consider yourselves lucky that I can’t be bothered to deal with you myself.”</p>
<p>Persephone turned away from the intruders and towards Hades. “We don’t need to give them another thought. I think you and I can find a better use of our time.”</p>
<p>Hades moved a brown curl out of Persephone’s face and tucked it behind her ear. “My Dread Queen.” His face beamed with admiration. Persephone could be downright ruthless when the situation called for it and he couldn’t be prouder of how quickly she had taken to ruling the Underworld with him.</p>
<p>“Flattery will get you everywhere.” She said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled Hades in for a kiss.</p>
<p>After giving Theseus and Pirithous an eyeful, Persephone took Hades by the hand and they started their way back towards their home ignoring the pleas of the men they just left to the whims of The Furies.</p>
<p>Persephone noticed that Hades had been unusually quiet on their walk back.</p>
<p>“What’s the matter?”</p>
<p>She knew that the tale of her “abduction” had always been a sore spot with him and she worried that he might be dwelling on it. They both knew the truth and in her mind, that was all that mattered.</p>
<p>“If these two bumbling idiots could get this far, anyone with half a brain could get in here. Next time it could be someone far more dangerous.”</p>
<p>He had already begun thinking about how to fortify their defenses, maybe with a large wall.</p>
<p>“Hades, everything is fine.” She stopped walking so she could look him in the eye and reassure him. “There’s nothing to worry about. I could have handled them even if you hadn’t shown up.”</p>
<p>“I know you could have, but you shouldn’t have too. This is your home.”</p>
<p>Two stupid adventurers weren’t much of a threat, but there were enemies both outside of the Underworld and even within its deepest depths. Hades had to keep the living out, the dead in, and the Titans safely locked away. He took his responsibilities seriously, but it became even more important now that he had Persephone’s safety to think of as well.</p>
<p>“I want this to be a safe place for you.”</p>
<p>“It’s plenty safe. Now take me home and convince me that I picked the right husband.” She smiled and started walking back down the path towards their home.</p>
<p>He watched her for a few moments before sprinting behind her, picking her up, and throwing her over his shoulder.</p>
<p>Her squeal, followed by laughter echoed through the nearby caves and caverns. “What are you doing?” She asked as she admired the view she had of his backside.</p>
<p>“I’m abducting you, of course.”</p>
<p>“You can’t abduct the willing, lover.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I want to write Hades and Persephone in all of the myths that they appear in (and maybe even some they don't). So if you've got any you want to see...let me know. Minthe, of course, is one already in the works.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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